


Betray and Degrade

by Wolfcry22



Series: The Exhausted Mind of Poe [21]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Poe Dameron Has PTSD, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Poe Dameron Whump, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Finn (Star Wars), Resistance, Sad Poe Dameron, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:07:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27044746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfcry22/pseuds/Wolfcry22
Summary: This is first time Poe hears someone call him crazy.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Series: The Exhausted Mind of Poe [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1605424
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	Betray and Degrade

**Author's Note:**

> This story chronologically is going to be way back at the beginning. I had the idea for this one and realized that it doesn’t fit into the timeline that I’m currently at, so I’m going to go back a little further. It’s a lot lighter than some of the other parts in this series but I hope it still carries the same theme. I hope you all enjoy!

"Are you sure that you should go in today?"

Poe glanced into the mirror as he brushed his teeth to see Finn helplessly hovering behind him. The exStormtrooper had a look of reservation on his face as his hands rested ever so slightly on his hips, fingers splayed and twitching to reveal his apprehension.

Poe spat in the sink before rinsing his mouth out with water. He set his toothbrush aside beside Finn’s and turned to face Finn. "I'm going to be fine, I promise."

"That was some nightmare you had last night. Maybe you should just take a day and relax," Finn prompted.

"Finn, I appreciate your concern, I do. However, the Resistance isn't going to run itself. So I had one nightmare. It's not that big of a deal. Everyone had nightmares sometimes, even you," Poe reminded him as calmly as possible.

Finn set his jaw. 

‘Yeah, but not everyone freaks out at a firework display and then wakes up in a cold sweat a few nights later,’ Finn thought. He would never say that out loud, but it was still constant though that ran through his mind.

Poe turned back to the sink and spread some shaving cream on his fingers before spreading it on his face. "It's not going to be a long day. I just have a few meetings on how we're going to deal with those planets still loyal to the First Order. It's not going to be strenuous, I promise," Poe pointed out. He lifted a razor delicately and pressed it against his face as he started to shave.

Finn was about to say something else when he looked out of the fresher to see BB-8 an d D-O rolling about excitedly. He had a feeling that they were playing, or at least whatever the droid equivalent was. BB-8 would roll around D-O while D-O would spin in a circle in an attempt to keep BB-8 in his sights. "At least take the droids," Finn blurted.

Poe flicked the razor toward the sink to dislodge some shaving cream that clung to the blade. He raised an eyebrow as he watched BB-8 and D-O playfully chase each other. "The droids," Poe echoed. He was the first one to want to have them tag along, but the way that Finn said it had him a bit on guard.

Finn nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! You know, just for company and such. Besides, I'm sure that D-O wants to see a General meeting. Right, D-O," he called.

The green and white droid halted for a moment as he tipped his head curiously, as he usually did. "H-H-H-Hello," he stammered as he rolled slightly forward. "M-M-M-Meeting?"

"See? He's so excited," exclaimed Finn, a fake smile plastered on his face as he attempted to keep his positive energy up.

Poe wasn't so sure. However, he knew that Finn was insistent on this. He finally conceded as he kneeled down. He snapped his fingers and BB-8 came rolling with D-O right behind. "You two want to hang out with me today? Huh," he offered.

BB-8 whirled and beeped excitedly while D-O seemed to feed off of his excitement as he rolled back and forth. "E-Excited!"

Poe chuckled as he rested a hand on BB-8's dome. He then straightened and turned back to the sink as he continued to shave the rest of his face to bring it back to a more manageable stubble. "I guess that settles that. I should be back later tonight if you want to grab dinner?"

"Sure," called Finn as he stepped out of his pants and shirt to change into something a little more modest for the day. "I should already be back in the room, so once you're done we can leave."

Poe nodded as he shaved the rest of his face and then wiped the remaining shaving cream off his cheeks with a towel. He threw the towel over the shower before placing on a loose shirt and tussling his hair. He headed out of the bathroom and grabbed his PADD that he kept charging by his bed. "I'll see you later," he called as he headed toward the door with the droids following. "Love you!"

"Love you too," Finn called back.

Poe headed out of the room with the droids behind him. BB-8 quickly took the position of rolling beside Poe while D-O brought up the rear. He was becoming more comfortable on the base, but he still struggled to be close to anyone on his own. As long as he kept close to BB-8, he was usually fine. 

They continued down the corridors with Poe having a hopeful outlook on the day ahead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The meeting went about as well as Poe could've hoped. He spoke to the Commanders of different Squadrons as well as some leaders from different planets, who had sworn allegiance to the Resistance. He was about ready to head to another when one commander of Silver Squadron, Rift, asked to speak to Poe slightly away from everyone else. Poe hadn't hesitated since it had seemed urgent and he wanted to take Rift's fears seriously.

Poe took him to a corner of the room where a few other people from there various meetings where talking quietly. Poe leaned against the wall as he looked at the brown haired pilot standing across from him. "What can I do for you, Rift?"

"I just wanted to take a minute to make sure that you were alright," Rift fretted.

Poe gave him a genuine smile before nodding. "Yeah, I'm good. Just anxious to get everything back to normal and—“

"But, the fact that you lost it during a fireworks display should show that you're not okay," Rift interrupted. "I mean, who does that?”

Poe felt a flicker of fear seem to rise inside of him. He shrugged as he continued. "Er, yes, but that was one time and it won't happen again." Poe knew that he wasn't being completely honest. However, he did know that he would do his best not to have a display like that in public again. His nightmares were a different story, but the only person to know about that would be Finn.

"There's no way to be sure though. When one looses their mind after a war it's gone forever," pressed Rift with his arms crossed over his chest. 

Anger started to bubble inside of Poe's stomach. He fought to keep his voice respectful and calm. "I wouldn't say I lost my mind or anything like that. It was just a moment's loss of awareness." 

Rift leaned against the wall to almost copy Poe's stance. "Then you admit you're not fit for this position," Rift surmised. 

Poe was dumbfounded. It seemed no matter what he said, Rift was taking it in another direction than what Poe meant. “I am fine. This is not about me being unfit. It was a spur of anxiety, nothing more." He longed to shake Rift and make him understand exactly what he was saying. 

"It's not uncommon for unhinged and mad people to not be able to see through it," Rift continued in an almost analytical tone. "Perhaps Finn would be better—“

"That's enough," interrupted Poe as he waved his hand through the air. "I am not unhinged or mad or whatever you think I am. I'm fine. Everyone has a moment. I’ve had mine and it is none of your concern."

Rift leaned forward to whisper in Poe's ear. "I know your secret; how messed up your mind is. How you're slipping into a world that you know nothing about. You're desperately, painfully, trying to hold on to anything so you tell this lie to yourself that you're alright and it was a one time occurrence. The crazy has infested your mind. I've seen it before. It won't be long before it overwhelms you and the only thing you will have is knowing from this moment that you were too far gone to see it clearly. It's a lonely path when you slowly loose your mind." He leaned back as he waited for a rouse from Poe.

Poe shook his head gravely, the fight fading from his eyes. "I should go. Thank you for your time," he told him bitterly as he decided that it was best to just leave before he ended up saying or doing something that he regretted.

He headed out of the room with BB-8 and D-O hard on his heels. He let out heavy breath as he walked while clutching his fists together against his sides only to release his throbbing fingers and repeat the process. His jaw ticked with each step while his eyes locked on the ground. He couldn't bring himself to meet anyone's gaze that walked by in case they could read the painful expression on Poe's face and ask him what was wrong. He just couldn't deal with that at the moment.

It was now not something that Poe could hide. His mind was splintering and he couldn't hide it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The last meeting was just with Poe and Crimson Squadron. While he was finishing up, BB-8 and D-O raced back to Poe's room. BB-8 forced his way in and noticed that Finn was working at one of the desks. He was inputting information into his PADD until BB-8 rolled over and crashed against his calf with a thud.

Finn exclaimed in pain as he looked down. "What was that for," he complained Finn as he narrowed his eyes at the small droid.

BB-8 let out some furious beeps and Finn waved his hands madly to halt him. "I can't understand you, BB-8. You know that."

The orange and white droid suddenly turned his attention to D-O. He rolled partially forward and repeated his message before swiveling his dome over to point at Finn. D-O rolled up and glanced up at Finn. "P-P-Pilot sad," he stammered. "H-Hurt feelings. Called cr-crazy."

Even in D-O broken explanations as he tried to translate what BB-8 had told him, Finn could make out what he was saying. Finn shook his head gravely. He knew that this was bound to happen. Poe hadn't been alone when he had his panic attack the first time with the fireworks. Finn had done his best to lure him inside, but news traveled quickly and people were able to spot him. The fact that someone had called him that angered Finn, and yet it wasn't surprisingly.

BB-8 let out another harsh beep that startled both D-O and Finn. D-O looked to Finn to translate. "D-Don't tell pilot."

"You don't want me to say anything? Why," Finn asked sharply. He didn't want to get BB-8 in trouble, but he wasn't sure that letting Poe deal with those emotions on his own was the best idea either. That had a history of not working well.

Before BB-8 could answer, the door opened. Poe stepped in and looked relieved when he saw BB-8 and D-O clustered beside Finn. "There you two are. At least say something before you leave. I was beginning to think that you guys got lost or something."

Finn glanced down to BB-8 hesitantly. He swore that he thought that BB-8 was trying to give him a pleading look, if that was even possible for a droid. Finn set his jaw in frustration before glancing back up to Poe. "Yeah, D-O wanted to tell me all about being at a real Resistance meeting. Right, D-O? Tell Poe what you thought of it." He realized too late that he probably should've asked BB-8 instead. He was better with the subtlety and lying that D-O was, especially if it came to protecting Poe.

Poe smiled down at D-O. "What did you think, buddy?"

"B-B-Boring," D-O announced.

Finn almost grimaced. That had not been what Finn was hoping he would say. However, Poe laughed as he nodded to D-O, rubbing a hand against the side of his face. "That's about my assessment of them too, buddy." He then glanced up to Finn. "Are we still good for dinner or are you busy?"

"Yeah, I'm good," he announced as he shut the program on his PADD and made his way over to Poe. He pulled Poe toward him and pressed a kiss to Poe's lips. Poe didn't hesitate to reciprocate it.

When they finally broke off, Poe couldn't help but grin as he glanced over to Finn. "What was that for? I mean, I loved it, but I'm usually the one to initiate it." He raised his eyebrows almost seductively. Finn never had the heart to tell Poe that it made him look goofy instead of smooth.

"Just missed you all day," Finn replied, hoping that Poe couldn't tell that Finn was secretly trying to gage his mood. For the moment he seemed aright, but Finn wasn't naive enough to think that Poe's moods couldn't change expectantly. "Didn't you miss me?"

"Of course I missed you! Although, if I'm going to get that kind of reception every time we're apart, I think I should be apart more often," Poe joked as he leaned forward for another kiss.

BB-8 let out a few whirls and Poe laughed as he broke off from the kiss. "Keep all opinions to one's self," he told BB-8 with amusement glittering in his eyes.

D-O let out mechanical laugher as he looked to BB-8. "F-Funny. Funny!"

"We had better go and eat before you convince me to stay in," Finn teased as he took Poe's hand in his and slightly swung it back and forth.

Poe laughed. His eyes suddenly turned serious as he looked back to Finn. “Is everything alright? You look kinda sad."

"No, not at all! Are you okay," Finn asked as casually as he could muster.

Poe nodded as he started to lead Finn toward the door. "Never better. Although, that may change depending on what they're serving for dinner," he chuckled.

Finn forced a smile as he followed Poe's lead. While he was sure that things were far from fine with Poe after what BB-8 had told him, he was going to let Poe come to him at his own speed, if he ever did. He would always be there, waiting, for Poe to make the first move and Finn would always be there to help.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is certainly a throwback to a lot simpler times when things were first starting to happen with Finn and Poe. I may try to do more parts that go back a little more if you guys enjoy this one. I hope that you guys enjoyed this part and are staying safe and healthy!


End file.
